Fake It Till You Make It

Monki dress, H&M skirt, Uniqlo innerwear

You are as good as what you think you are. All this time, I believe in the power of mindset. I believe the saying that when you always think positive, you'll also attract positive things. My best friend told me this few years ago and I believe her. She's one of few people who understands how bad my mental issues are. And her encouragement to think positively and be happy is never actually end. Fake it till you make it! is what she always telling me to do. Be happy, act happy, until you actually feel happy. So I did. God knows I so did for these past few years.

Little did she know I've been faking it since day one and I'm getting tired of hoping that I finally make it. I'm so done if I may say it out loud. There are more times when I had to pull of the road because I can't control the urge of crying than what I share to my friends. For every reason and no reason at all. It's confusing.

Nowadays I understand that thinking positively isn't much of a help unless you also surround yourself with positive people. It's hard to cut off people especially if you are close with them in the first place, but fortunately I've learned that cutting people off is highly necessary and it's getting a lot easier right now. I don't like you, you can excuse yourself from my life for all I care. Preferably forever.

There are times when I feel like I don't have any friends. There are times when I feel so lonely and feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. Even though those few friends that I still love dearly and contact regularly are always there for me. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that my walls has been built too high to the point of no one really knows what's behind it anymore. No exception.