A Quick Update from Me

"Can you really see if someone is good inside or not? How about me? Can you really feel the negative aura whenever you see me?"

     I've been going round and round asking each of my friends that same question. And most of them say no. Actually, they say that they never have seen me being a negative person. And I was amazed. Because dude are you blind? 

     Truth be told,  2017 has been very depressing to me. It's true that no one can be positive 24/7 but me? I'm a negative person 24/7. Overthinking by day leads to nightmares by night. I envy those who feel refreshed when they wake up in the morning because I don't even remember the last time I feel that way. It's always sadness and anger and sometimes, I woke up in tears with no memory about what was I dreamed about. 

     And recently, I also have been asking myself, "Girl, what lies are you composing too?" The life I always show on social media is inversely proportional to the actual reality. But I'm just a girl who believes in the power of FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. It's like my own special mantra. When you act positively, the universe will help to create a positive environment for you.
     But I also get tired of faking it. No matter how much I love social media (especially Instagram), sometimes I just need to lay low and disappear. Rebuilding myself, regaining my energy. Acting positive takes a lot of energy especially if my mind doesn't act the same way. This is not about me being a fake person. It's about me struggling with my own mind. It's about me believing that helping people means I'm helping myself.