My Whole Life in One Post

I actually wanted to post an OOTD this time, but yesterday I used J's camera to take pictures and J is being difficult about sending me the photos. Which leads me to not posting any OOTD today. And it's been so long since the last time I posted an OOTD post. And I'm eager to do that again. So today I'm just gonna talk about random things.

I'm pretty sure that I'm an anti social person. But I don't know why I'm easy to make friends with new people and have a lot of friends.

     I have a big family. And all my aunts said that I am a grumpy person and I never smiled to people and I am so rude and I'm just the hardest person to be with. But I actually think that's not true. And I finally come to a realization that I actually act like that in front of my family. And I guess I can understand why they said that.

     I try so hard to be the most kindest (I know this grammar is wrong, I just want to make a point here) person. I say 'please' and 'thank you' all the time. And I even give a cleaning service lady a smile in the mall's toilet. Just because I don't like it when people behave like they're the greatest person in the world and treat others arbitrarily. And smiling is easy and who knows that your smile would make their bad day becomes better?

     But I also not the kind of girl who can fake smile. If I don't like it, then I don't like it. And that's why I become the grumpiest person in front of them. Few days ago, I read my friend, KIKO's post on his blog. And he talked about body insecurities. And I kinda want to talk about it too. I have body insecurities as well. I find it hard to love myself when people (my aunts) always mock my physical appearance. Am I not good enough? People these days define pretty as skinny, white, and tall. I feel like all my cousins already born that way. Meanwhile, I had to do a hardcore diet and spend a lot of money in a beauty clinic, spa, and salon. 

     They stop mocking my physical appearance for a while when I reached my ideal weight and a good skin color. But sometimes I just want to eat Indomie and take a break from all of that and be free. And they back at it again saying, "your skin is getting darker!" or "you're getting fatter!" Like seriously, COME ON, PEOPLE! I don't care how many times they say that, it still hurts and I can't smile about it. That's why I never smile to them. There's no smoke without fire, you know!